Once upon a time in a faraway land consisting of crowded shuttle buses emitting strange combinations of human odors and sewage water trying to disguise itself as coffee, there is a little kingdom affectionately termed NUSPE (news-p) where its diligent little dwellings suffer under the reign of a charmingly tyrannical dictator.
Piano music, was the kingdom’s main export and day in day out the kingdom’s little people busied about trying to satisfy the never-ending demands of its dictator. They started a faithful relationship with the usual characters, Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin but eventually strayed (not too regrettably) into a very juicy affair with some shady characters, namely Gershwin, Grainger, Mozkowski, Debussy and others. Monogamy was strictly frowned upon and 2 or more pianists regularly share the same spouse; this semester, Mozart, next semester, Hello Grainger!
Little tinkling sounds can be heard in every corner of the little kingdom as its people , hereby termed the flattering term pianists, flex their not very little fingers and set to work every day (well almost, we pride ourselves on diligence) on their assigned pieces. The little tinkling sounds eventually explode into thunderous poundings as one nears the date of their annual performance in February/March, aptly named Touch. The following excerpt is common fare during times of great distress and its usually mild-tempered residents turn their long graceful fingers at each other:
Note: the fingers-pointing strikes a new level when we have 4 pianists arguing about an 8-hand item
The kingdom’s dictator Mr Timothy Ku rules the land with an iron fist (or iron fingers). The man is deceivingly charming (see left) until he lashes out with his scalding sarcasm, a skill both much admired and feared by his kingdom’s pianists. Every Friday (TGIF never did apply to NUSPE) the lord himself towers over his poor pianists and jabs a long meaty finger at whoever happens to hit the wrong keys. The man has amplifiers for ears and picks up the nuances better than any receiver. Each week the pianists quiver and shiver while awaiting his judgment. That said, the strict ruler’s scalding remarks usually transforms the childish tinkling into soaring music and the kingdom’s little people holds him in high respect.
Unlike other kingdoms dominated by strange creatures (think Shrek) who manages great feats, our little kingdom is resided by normal beings who are unfortunately, only blessed with 2 hands and 2 legs. Since the exasperating instrument we call a piano demands the attention of all 4 limbs, the pianists in our kingdom requires helpers, or pageturners, for each performances. Pageturners is an inadequate description of their jobs, if you think that pageturning for our pianists is as simple as turning a page for your niece while she reads Beauty and the Beast, then you're highly mistaken. If you do not possess the following skills, do not even entertain the thought of auditioning for page turning:
# Able to read music notes
# Able to read music notes at high speed
# Able to read music notes that are clumped together like little beansprouts
# Able to read music notes that are clumped together like little beansprouts while seated 5 foot away from the score
# Able to turn a page delicately
# Able to turn a page by holding only one corner of the top left/right delicately# Able to turn a page by holding only one corner of the top left/right with your left/right hand delicately
---------------------------------I'm kidding, we do not audition for pageturners-----------------------------
but we do encourage individuals with big scary fingers and bad eyesight to disvolunteer themselves from the job...
As do all fairy tales end, our little story always ends in relative bliss; we practise, we get scolded and we deliver good music and live happily ever after (or until the next piece gets thrown at us). Tourists are relatively scarce in our kingdom though, and we welcome all curious individuals to join us at our session each friday!
Admission to the kingdom is free!
Long live the Ku Klavier!
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